According To Plan — Performed by Albert Finney, Joanne Lumley, Tracey Ullman and Paul Whitehouse

Its a beautiful day.
Its a rather nice day.
A day for a glorious wedding.
A rehearsal, my dear, to be perfectly clear.
A rehearsal for a glorious wedding.
Assuming nothing happens that we dont really know,
That nothing unexpected interferes with the show.
And thats why everything, every last little thing,
every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
According to plan,
Our son will be married.
According to plan,
Our family carried,
Well go right into to the heights of society...
To the costume balls ,
In the hallowed halls.
Rubbing elbows with the finest.
Having crumpets with her highness.
Well be there, well be seen, having tea with the queen.
Well forget everything ...that weve ever ever been.
Its a terrible day
Now dont be that way
Its a terrible day for a wedding.
Its a sad, sad state of affairs were in,
That has led to this ominous wedding.
How could our family have come to this?
To marry off our daughter to the noveaux-rich.
Theyre so common,
So coarse.
Oh, it couldnt be worse!
It couldnt be worse? Im afraid I disagree.
It could be land-rich bankrupt aristocracy,
without a penny to their name...just like you. ..and me.
Oh, dear.
And thats why everything, every last little thing,
every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
According to plan,
Our daughter will wed.
According to plan,
Ourfamily lead,
From the depths of deepest poverty,
To the noble realm,
Of our ancestors.
And whod have guessed in a million years that our daughter, with the face
of an otter in disgrace,
Would provide our ticket to our rightful place?
Emily (speaking)
What if Victor and I dont...like each other?
Mrs. Everglot (speaking)
Do you suppose your father and I like each other?
Emily (speaking)
Surely you must...a little...
Mr. and Mrs. Everglot (speaking)
Of course not!
Mrs. Everglot (speaking)Get those corsets laced properly...
I can hear you speak without gasping.
Marriage is a partnership. A little tit-for-tat.
Youd think a lifetime watching us
(singing) might have taught her that.
Might have taught her that.
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect
Everything must be perfect, perfect,
Thats why everything, every last little thing,
every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...According to plan!